6 April 2021> Still prosessing G's deth... not shore what those psycho-mumbojumbo stages of grieving r? in our last post we was perhaps in denile ± a bit angry G din't take bedder care of hisself, venting our frustrations. also weird it was all so hush hush + took em 3 days 2 go public w/ it. The Believer posted sum tributes, inkluding sumthing we wrote ("Dude, Where Did I Park My Motorino?") that's perhaps more 4-giving then our last post. if it wasn't 4 the fact dat the service was this afternoon + we saw the coffin we still might think it was all a hoax. like w/ our brother, father + mother we din't see no dead body, so G kin continue 2 live on in our mined, in Our Life in the Blog of Ghosts, ain't no harm in dat far as we're concerned, almost like Gian's still out there in the ether reading this? closure is over-8'd. mos def wierd 2 dial in + just watch a live stream of your funaroll (that kept cutting out), did u see it?... seamed religious + antiseptic (did the pastor seriously make dat "good grief" comment?) + probly not what u, G, wd of wanted, but what do we know? onely time u menshunned priests to us was the time u had sex w/1 + we told u shut up we din't wanna here about it. think u wd of wanted sumthing more like Bob's funeral in Private Idaho, no? then again, glad all yr druggy friends weren't there, at least 4 the sake of yr family, wich is really what madders, no? + poor Giu, who no 1 really acknowledged, wich was the saddest part. there's still so much dat doesn't sit well w/ us... such a shame 4 the world 2 lose sum 1 like u, G.

Seams a lot of folk die this time of year, our grandfather died April 1 (1982), our brother died April 3 (1997). whenever we watch an NCAA final game we think of our brother cuz he died a day or 2 after U of A (our alma mater) won it all (we just transcribed those journal entries last month), guess "March Madness" used 2 actually end by end of March or biginning of April. last night's game was a big disappointment... 2 bad we din't watch the UCLA v. Gonzaga game. guess we associate basketball w/ deth in the same way Campbell Scott thought of basketball everytime he had sex in Singles (1992). sum other things we've watched recently: Chop Shop (worthwhile), Lost Highway (for 2nd or 3rd time, just 2 verify it was as bad as we remember), Pelican Brief (wanted 2 watch a b9 DC movie) + a CNN documentary on 1968. The Outsiders we have to watch on DVD so waiting for it to be mailed. 2night started watching the series The Undoing, which so far seems like Big Little Lies but in NYC sted of Monterrey. reading Timbuktu by Paul Auster wich we're digging so far... not sure Auster gets enough credit, at least not w/ the alt-lit crowd. it's from the p.o.v. of a dying homeless guy's dawg ("Mr. Bones") + we cant help but 2 think of u + your bulldog Rufus (also a bit disappointed 2 not hear Wainright in the memorial mix along w/ Stevie, Nick Drake + G'n'R)... at least u outlived Rufus, not sure who wd of wanted 2 adopt dat stinky beast. we never met the dawg u had b4 dat (Tiberius? if we member correctly) but remember we used 2 hang out in villa Doria Pamphili under the same tree where u used 2 play w/ dat dawg (1 time in pertickler u sent us a vid of Tiberius hanging from a branch dat we watched as we was sitting under the same tree, a video message u probly preseeded w/ a "whassup dawg," your usual greeting 2 us).

7 April> Guess it's perticklerly hard 4 us cuz u, G, ripresent more than just the person Giancarlo Ditrapano. 4 us u was a sinbull of everything we shd of been (as a publicher). as we slowly retreated from the litterary world this past decade, u was our onely window in2 the scene we dint halve the stomache 4... while we shunned social media u embraced it + was well-connected w/ anybody dat was anybody. while we was busy erasing our identity, u was pudding yourself out there as the face of Tyrant Books. we couldn't be like Giancarlo Ditrapano if we tried, u was just naturally charismatic + had a knack 4 pudding yourself out there w/o coming off as a promotional douchebag. pard of why we felt ok slipping in2 anonymous obscurity was cuz we knew u were hear to pick up the slack, now what? while we halve long since given up hope 4 humanity it's all good 2 u, member dat conversation on our terazza where we was going on our usual rant of how fucked the world is + we asked u point blank how u couldn't agree + u honestly said u din't think so. if we said yah, but what about unchecked population growth u'd say "bring it on dawg!" all the tourists in Rome din't bother u nun, the more the merrier. of course there must of been reasons why u were self-medicating yourself 2 kingdum come but seams they were all internal (cluster headaches, etc.)... inny problem cd be cured by drugs. when The Believer asked us 2 write sumthing they said not 2 menshun drugs, but man, drugs was a huge part of what Gian was/is + he'd probly be 1st 2 edmit it. we've never seen sum 1 be able 2 ingest so much + still be highly functional. we've blogged b4 about how we were failed stoners, well when we left Rome in 2019 we had a bunch of cannabis edibles dat we didnt want 2 risk bringing back + when we showed them 2 Gian he gobbled a handful of em w/o a blink like they was candy + when we told hym they were strong (1 was more than plenty 4 us) he rolled his eyes like dawg, plz. this was on top of whatever else he was on, he wd take tokes of hash every 15 minutes, pop whatever pills + undoubtedly we were drinking wine or grappa. he said yes 2 everything. this concerned us when we 1st met hym, but in recent years we resigned ourself 2 believing he was invinceable like Keith Richards or Jerry Garcia. although he was unabashed about his drug use he kept it 2 hymself mostly + didn't judge us nun 4 not partaking w/ hym (besides calling us grandma)... there was onely 1 time we thought he was uncool 4 offering hash 2 our bedder-½'s UN colleagues, sum of them inexperienced youngins from China, Pakistan, etc. + smoking hash in public (wich in Rome ppl don't do) in front of every 1 even after we aksed hym not to... dat was a dick move, dawg. if he was around + we told hym now he'd apologize + probly feel bad... this is what makes hym such a complicated character. from his p.o.v. he was just trying 2 share this joy dat he'd discovered + we were being the uptight asshole (which we were/are) for raining on his parade of generosity. in an ideal world we shd all be free 2 do drugs + feel no shame in it.

Selfish as it sounds, now dat u ain't around, G, we got no ties 2 the lit community. not only is it the end of Tyrant Books but feels like the end of Calamari (not dat we wasn't dead 2 the world years ago)... trying 2 get u 2 take on Calamari as an imprint was our onely hope + now dat ain't an option. what will beecomb of all these books? undoubtedly Fat Possum will keep em in print, but Tyrant Books just won't be the same + sure your "estate" will milk it 4 all it's worth. Fat Possum is the other elephant in the room nobody wants 2 talk about. main reason G gave us years ago 4 not wanting 2 acquire Calamari as an imprint had 2 do w/ Fat Possum... he had legal/financial issues he needed 2 resolve w/ them. we don't know the full extent of it, sure G ain't ez 2 deal with on a professional level, but this definitely weighed heavy on hym in recent years, 2 the extent dat G talked of starting a new press under a new name 2 skirt these issues. btw, did any 1 see Dante's eulogy? the speech his brother (who's also a piece of work cut from same cloth, here's his rap sheet) gave twards the end when he was talking about the "why" of G's death + about how G sent hym a foreboding email 4 days b4 he died, sumthing about how "god had plans" 4 Gian? unfortunately dat was 1 of the times the Inurnet cut out on us, but seamed a veiled reference 2 sewerside, no? also think it's a bit weird G decided 2 make a personal website a few weeks ago. as we've talked about b4 in regards 2 our brother, there's a gray area w/ intentionality when 1 talks about drug ODs... not dat it madders ether way, but it's sad if this is the case + they're ashamed 2 make this detale public (which is what publishing means, to "make public").