[1 April 2020> April fool's, haha. This is all a hoax... maybe we'll escape into our dream world from 20 years ago, 2000-2001, including our post-9/11 sueños from when we was living in NYC].
January 4, 2000 – Tucson
I was in a western movie, I was a wanted man, wearing my corduroy jacket. I got out of the room just as the bad guys were leaving. I went to this bar to pick up a horse. I picked up the horse and also picked up this girl who was a version of Zo back in the old wild west days. I gave her money for a tip. The bills were in increments of 24. I also tipped for the horse, everything I had because I didn’t have change (only $24 dollar bills). The female bartenders were impressed and jealous. I got on the horse with Zo and rode off into the sunset with only 3 dollars to my name.
January 8, 2000 – Tucson
It was the New years eve of the millennium and I was working overseas. I was talking to some cute Hindu princess in a crowd of millions. Everybody started counting down, I distanced myself from the Hindu princess so she wouldn’t kiss me and make Zo jealous. When the clock struck 12 I was standing next to some co-worker I barely knew and I didn’t want to hug him or shake his hand so I just looked out over the crowd of people and watched them all hug and kiss. The spot I was standing in suddenly cleared out because a procession was to come through. I tried to get back into the audience but it was jam-packed and nobody would let me in. I scrambled to get out of the way. Then Zo appeared, and she too needed to get out of the way. She found these 2 boats that made us legitimate. They were like these bath tubs things that only fit one person a piece so we were riding separately. Half-submerged. The procession came along, a group of royalty including the Hindu princess. We were trying to swim and get out of their way, but we were right in front of them. The Hindu princess was all haughty and bitchy and complaining to her mother the queen. We got into this doorjam where all the water was rushing against us and it was hard to get out of the way. But we kept swimming and were eventually able to get out ahead. The bitchy Hindu princess started doing yoga moves, even though she made it apparent that she didn’t want to be. She was contorting herself so her head was all the way against her butt cheeks and complaining about it. Zo started doing some yoga moves. She was wearing a skimpy sun dress, and when she flipped over, I (and everyone else) could see that she wasn’t wearing underwear and was shaved down there. She was like a little NYCmph. I was worried that other men might become obsessed with her because she was so perfect and beautiful.
January 29, 2000 – Tucson
Zo and I were in a prison but I’m not sure what the crime was. Nevertheless we were cooperative. We went to an administration office where we were checked in. Something also happened to me where my jaw got knocked out of whack, though I’m not sure how. We asked about whether some doctor could help us, and they said sure, but she wasn’t covered with insurance. I figured it didn’t hurt enough any way. I was ordered to go with these other guys, this woman started saying left . . left . . . left, right, left and I was trying to obey her but I was on the wrong foot, and just when I would do a shuffle step to switch, she would switch so I would be off again. I was in the prison yard and had to follow these other guys who were doing calisthenics, it was like an aerobics class. And then we did something where we had to go to some inner circle and I jumped into it because I figured it was like musical chairs where the last person was it, and I wasn’t last so I was okay.
January 31, 2000 – Tucson [this dream got turned into "Beneath the Shingles" in Poste Restante]
I was a vampire. I was with some guy that I was planning on giving the vampirism to. Then I met some other gay guy who was talking about how cool it was to be a vampire. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't so cool, that it was a penance. I was miserable as a vampire. We went into this cabin in the woods. I saw the original vampire, the one who bit me, on the roof of the cabin. He was wearing a Petzl headlamp. I took out my chewing gum and threw it at him. It hit him in the head and knocked him over. I went into the cabin. I had this impending feeling that the vampire was gonna come crashing through the roof. I was trying to warn everybody. The expectation of knowing he would come crashing through the ceiling was the worst part and it woke me up.
January 21, 2000 – Tucson
I was in Guatemala with my mom. We were on some boat in the open ocean and the waves were huge. I was scared I was going to be sick, and luckily the boat turned back. We got off the boat and some older American couple singled my mom out and the woman offered my mom some animal crackers. I grabbed the box of animal crackers and threw them. I said it was pretty obvious they were trying to poison her and steal all her money. They ran into dressing rooms. The woman came out first and I started chasing her. I chased her up a lightpost, she jumped and then I caught her and killed her. I found a cliff bar in her fleece jacket and threw it on top of her so if anybody found her they would knew my justification for killing her. I’m not sure how I killed her but there was sugary blood everywhere that had the consistency of gatorade and I figured it was from all the animal crackers and cliff bars.
February 10, 2000 – Tucson
(I’ve been terrible about remembering my dreams – the only reason I remember my dream was Zo’s dream triggered it.) Zo’s dream: She was in this house that was being invaded by snakes. She called her dad and he said they were coming down the chimney and told her to get a dog. So she gets the weird dog thing, it was hairless and white with a mouth of a dolphin and it was covered in Oaxacan designs. It started eating all the snakes. When the “dog” licked you it would burn like acid for a few minutes and then go away. There was a little poisonous snake that almost bit me. I covered it with a towel and got a garbage can and smashed it. Zo was happy but I felt kind of bad.
My dream: I was supposed to be taking care of this Boa constrictor for Steve and Steve (my bosses). I let it into this patio. It was big and liked to bite so you had to pick it up by the tail. I forgot to check if the gate was open. The gate was open and it got out into the street. I looked everywhere and couldn’t find it. Finally I had to ask for Steve and Steve’s help. Steve B. found it where I had just walked by and wondered why I hadn’t seen it. He threw it at my feet and told me to take it back because him and Steve V were going to the bar. But I was afraid to pick it up. It would slither and coil up and scream and try to bite me. It screamed like a demonic beast. It was also tied up in knots so I think part of the reason it was screaming was out of pain. I was afraid to pick it up so I tried to get it into a paper bag.
February 24, 2000 – Tucson
Zo and I went to New Mexico with Ginny, Max and some geeky Eastern European guy. We stayed in some small town the first night, and then the next day we went to visit this other town. I went off to the bathroom and discovered a casino. It had strange convoluted tables covered with green felt. This was the most interesting thing I had seen on the trip thus far. I went back to tell the others, but Max and Ginny decided they wanted to go back to Tucson before it got dark. I wanted to show the Eastern European guy the casino and the green felt, but they took him with them. So Zo and I drove back to our small town. It was raining and the rain turned to snow. And it was getting dark. We got to our campground. I was cooking some food when a fat alligator started wallowing towards me. Then it started running after me and nipped at me. Then three more were coming. Then a Siberian Tiger came towards me. I tried to run away but I caught me, but it just wanted to play with me. I started to pet it and it had thick fur and was a beautiful animal. Then these Indians came along and they made me breathe smoke out this pipe to get them high. They were intense looking, all decked out in elaborate costumes, and they had black charcoal on their faces. I could see them really up close when they came to suck smoke from the pipe a few inches from my face. They started laughing and feeling good. I was wondering if I was going to get high from blowing the smoke to them
February 27, 2000 – Tucson
I dreamt a movie about a giant sea worm that ravaged the oceans eating boats. I discovered that it was spawned when a genetic engineer was working with a soil sample that was tainted with an earthworm. The obvious Godzilla reference was made more blatant by long still shots of a stone age phonograph sitting on a table outside in Hawaii.
March 15, 2000 – Tucson
I was solving a crime. The body was found behind a dumpster in a strip mall. I had been to the strip mall once before to buy a fish. The fish store had a 35-lb vegetarian cousin of the piranha that was in a tank about as big as the fish – he couldn’t even turn around to swim the other way. The fish was not for sale as it had been in the “private collection” since the 1970’s. The dead body was wedged between a dumpster and a rickety old tool shed that was part of a body-detailing shop. On the other side of the fish store was a bowling alley that only had twelve lanes. I went in to talk to the manager. When I asked him if he had seen anything unusual the night before, he said that a man had thrown himself down the lane as a practical joke. He was showing off to his girlfriend and his friend. The automatic pinsetter tried to put the pins down on him. The manager said the guy was not injured but was distraught and hysterical and yelled at the manager for having a pinsetter that wasn’t smart enough to know when somebody was under it. The manager argued that he shouldn’t have been throwing himself down the alley in the first place. According to the manager, the man left without further incident. He fit the description of the body found behind the dumpster.
the above dream got turned into "Body of Evidence" in Poste Restante,
w/ this corresponding image (Poste N. Bol-9 Stem-Cell Pin-Setting):
June 13, 2000 – NYC
I was in a place like Mallorca with Zo. We were waiting for a small boat to take us to a cruise ship but realized we forgot our bags in the hotel. Max and Ginny were seeing us off and they were staying, so I was going to ask them if they would send us our bags, but Zo thought we shouldn’t trouble them. She said she’d be okay, she just needed her glasses. The name of the boat that was supposed to pick us up was called the “Red Princess” but it was a blue inflatable boat. We got in and sped off, flying over the waves. We got to the cruise ship and it was also a huge inflatable boat. Everything was inflatable, there was a basketball court that was all inflatable. Everything had a fun, carnival atmosphere. We took off from Russia to the US and I was staring at the rocks on the bottom thinking the current from the boat was knocking rocks from Russia to the US. When we got to the US there was some Asian girl that was studying fish on the bottom. She was pointing out one that was dead. There was a bunch of motionless flounders camouflaged along the bottom and I asked her how she knew which one was dead and she said she had been watching them for years. She asked me to pick up the one that was dead. It was all white, and its guts were spilling out. But it was still alive. I was afraid to pick it up. If I put my arm in, I would have been in up to my shoulder.
June 13, 2000 – NYC
A lifeguard was taken hostage. It was like being on a show like Baywatch, but the actors weren’t acting (like it was in between takes). We went to look for the hostage taker. I was crawling on my belly so I could see into this swamp where we suspected he was.
Then David and Zo and I went back to look. David found a dog growling at a hot wood stove. Nothing would pry this dog from the stove, he was obsessed.
Then I was in Indonesia and they would set out roasted peanuts all over the place for you to walk on.
July 27, 2000 – NYC
I was fishing with relatives of Zo. They were taking it more seriously, I had my fly fishing line cast and left it alone while I helped one of them tried to pull in a fish. They were overanxious and the fish got away. I checked my reel and there was a fish on. I let it run with it, didn’t try to pull it in, but let it come in on its own. The close to shore it got the bigger it got. When I pulled it in it was big. I had to grab it by the mouth so it didn’t get away. It was a largemouth bass which I guess was unusually to catch with a fly rod. Some guys weighed it and it was 22 pounds. They asked me what the secret was and I said— “patience and . . . patience.” Then we played basketball and waited for the picnic. I ground some coffee beans but there were some chiclets mixed in.
July 24, 2000 – NYC
I was supposed to ride this horse but I chickened out. The other left and my horse wanted to go with him, but I didn’t know if I needed to shoe him if I wasn’t going to ride him. His hooves were all fucked up and bleeding and it was really disturbing. Put it was even more disturbing to apply shoes. Finally the horse went with them. He didn’t have reins or a saddle, but he knew to just follow along with the others if he was alone.
August 1, 2000 – NYC
I was looking for a black cat with a hat on, I saw a few black cats but not one with a hat. I had some cookies, I offered some to these kids, two accepted, another said no so I packed it up and the kid that said no started pouting. Zo was giving me shit, but I insisted that the kid had to learn a lesson, if he wanted a cookie he should have said yes when I offered it to him. Then I saw a black cat and it ran out this doorway and Zo said it was playing with a huge scorpion, but I didn’t see the scorpion.
August 3, 2000 – NYC
I was working for some company, sitting around a round board table. I was introduced to the manager, I already knew everybody else. We passed around story boards and reviewing them. One was a tabloid format newspaper of photographs with cartoon captions with shoddy production values. The photos were of street life in Belfast, little children, and the subject matter rather serious, but the captions were comical. I wasn’t taking notes or anything, didn’t even write down the names of the authors. Then I was sent on assignment to document this large circular fishtank. I set up the camera so it looked artsy, partly reflection off the glass, but then when I looked at the replay the camera had bumped so it was filming the ceiling. So then I picked up the camera and thought it would be cool to walk around in circles filming the fish the whole way, but I didn’t want to get in people’s ways that were watching from the bleachers. I was staying at this camp-like facility. I put things all over my walls to make it seem familiar.
August 5, 2000 – NYC
I was up late and heard Max and Ginny and Max come in (they were our neighbors). I tried to open the door and they shut in on me. I tried again and Ginny was there but Max was hiding. Ginny gave me this buff gray cat, I took it back to Zo but it was meowing too much so I let it slip under the door. Zo was sleeping on a bench. I started to get undressed to get into the sleeping bag with her when a subway train came full of people, so I waited with my shirt off and pants undone. I rested Zo’s head in my lap like we were just hanging out there. I was worried about this cop. This homeless guy started to harass me. He almost knocked these pizzas from this lady’s cart. I was ready to fight this guy, he ran and I chased him but he got away. When I turned back Zo was getting in the passenger side of the wrong car. I tried to warn her but it was too late, the guy tried to slam the door on her head. Then he freaked and started to start the car and take off with Zo in the car. I pulled her out just in time. We got into our car, I was driving, Zo was in the back. Then the other guy was tailing us. So I jumped out and started running behind us (not sure what I was trying to accomplish). I tripped and fell to the ground and the guy following us ran over me. Zo kept going. She was on the passenger side so she could only steer and couldn’t stop the car. I ran behind but couldn’t catch up. Finally I caught up. She said— “it’s about time, it took 12 years to catch me.”
“But the car is only a couple years old, how could that be possible?”
August 16, 2000 – NYC
I was driving in a convertible VW bug and these seagulls landed on the edges. At first I thought it was cool and I was feeding them. But they got closer and closer and more aggressive. Then one of them started speaking and said he wanted people to feed them and if I wanted to get rid of them I would have to beat them. So I had this flagellating whip stick and start whipping at them and they kept provoking me, and once I started whipping them it was like a declaration of war encouraging them to be aggressive.
September 5, 2000 – NYC
Another dream about a VW bug (see previous). I was going climbing with Andrew (that friend of Sean’s that worked at JABA for about a week). Jeff and David were visiting me so I asked Andrew if it was alright if they tagged along just for the ride. I already felt like I was imposing since I didn’t know Andrew too well. So we drove up in Andrew’s bug. There was lots of snow but it wasn’t quite snowing so were thinking it would be perfect. Until he started slipping on ice and then I was thinking that if driving was dangerous and climbing was dangerous, then driving to go climbing was the most dangerous thing you could to do.
September 7, 2000 – NYC
I was in this warehouse that was really outside, with red rock and uneven topography. There were broken and abandoned fish tanks everywhere and I was trying to refurbish them. Kevin was there and so was Allison. I was collecting the gravel in jars and trying to keep the same types together but they were blending together. I was collecting big rocks from broken tanks. One tank had a crack in it that was holding back a bunch of water (the tank itself was empty, the water was on the outside). The glass burst, filling the tank and then spilling over into the warehouse. There was an instant flash flood that filled all the drainages in the topography. Kevin, Allison and I struggle to higher ground. And then it was over. Kevin commented that it was like a passing shower.
September 11, 2000 – NYC
We met some new friends and the invited us up to their place up in Canada. We went there but it wasn’t cool enough but they said they had friends that lived even further North, way up in the remote Northern regions, and they weren’t home. So we went up there. They had an incredible house, full of artifacts from all around the world. Then there was an announcement on the radio phone saying they were coming. We were all in bed and naked, scrambling to get our clothes on. Zo and I and this other couple that were kind of like Jen and Peter. The couple came in as were still half dressed. An older distinguished black couple who were professors at some University. They started to say something to Jen and Peter and then the man walked over to me. I apologized and said I was sorry that I didn’t know it was their house. He hugged me and said it was okay, that if this hadn’t happened then we would’ve met. They said we were guests in their home. They took off their clothes so didn’t feel so out of place half-dressed. The woman came over and hugged me naked. She didn’t have a bad body for an older woman. Then they asked us to pick out our favorite things in the house. I asked them if it had to be flammable (as they appeared to be started a fire to burn effigies). I picked a stone and water sculpture that looked like a series of topographical rings like a rice paddy. They asked why and I said it was because the rings displayed the resonance pattern of a B flat note. They said I was right because they’re daughter played violin and said the same thing.
I was driving around a lot. We went to an amusement park and I left to get something and while I was out of the park I was befriended by a few Mexican street urchins. I drove them back to the amusement park, the onramps to the freeways were going the wrong way and everything was weird. We got to the park and I snuck them in. I entered the park by swimming underwater around obstacles. I could see other people in the park including these stuffy Park Ave. rich ladies, who I could see down their shirts because of the water, and the water acted as a magnifying glass to focus on their nipples, their heads were above water so they couldn’t see me looking. I tried to steer the kids away from this but they saw. They were interested in everything and it made me see the amusement park in a new light.
October 3, 2000 – NYC
Zo and I were on a train in Mexico. It was more like a subway train that was going through this market place. I noticed a naked guy, and then suddenly there was a lot of guys just standing around completely naked. I was trying to point them out to Zo but she kept missing them. Then she suddenly jumped off the train in between stops. I got off and chased her. “What are you doing” I said. “This area is kind of sketchy.” We went up a series of staircases to try to get out unnoticed, but then hit a dead end. We saw a young maid sweeping and asked her how to get out and she pointed out a back way out of the market complex. We got into a dark courtyard with a fountain in the middle and I noticed a room that had a projector running. I looked carefully through the glass and indeed, there were two projectors rolling. You could kind of see the images on the glass it was passing through. I turned around and could make out the juxtaposed black and white images on a far wall. The film was playing for no audience. I looked into the projector room and saw a man sitting quietly in the dark.
Then people started to show up. There was a bar that was giving out free drinks and people were taking a few at a time. Weird people would approach us and slam into us and then laugh like they were just joking around. It was hard to tell if people were being hostile our friendly. They were setting up pillows and an elaborate dinner on the floor. Zo and I realized that we had stumbled into a private party, all the drinks and snacks were free. It was like an art show, or screening for this movie that was playing in the background that nobody was watching. I wanted to leave before dinner was served because I thought people might find out and get mad at us. Zo wanted to stay and get a free dinner. I said there was no such thing as a free dinner, that you would always have to give something of yourself. I said that I had been in a similar situation and it hadn’t ended well but couldn’t think of when it was. We made a sneaky exit, not saying goodbye to anyone. But then a few dogs befriended us. I was able to step over a waist high fence to get out of the party, but Zo had to go through this gate and it was hard to keep the dogs from getting out.
October 9, 2000 – NYC
I was SCUBA diving down to 200 meters. I was nervous because I hadn’t been this deep in a while. We were supposed to hold our feet together to filter clams out of the water. The water was cold. There was a rope to ascend, the more you ascended the easier it got. Once I was a ways up and relaxed, I peed in my wetsuit to warm myself up. It felt really good. I woke up because I was afraid I had to go pee, but discovered that I had actually had a wet dream.
October 12, 2000 – NYC
I was jogging through Ajijic with four other people. I decided to bust it open. One of the guys was keeping up with me so I felt pressure to go faster. I was jumping over rooftops and taking short cuts, racing. When I got to the finish line he was acting like it was no big deal, that he wasn’t really trying to beat me, that he let me win.
October 14, 2000 – NYC
I was in a becak in Indonesia or some other foreign country, going to a bar that I had been to before. When I got to my destination I discovered that Bill Murray had been pulling me. He had a burro that was helping him pull. I gave him $8 for a trip that cost $6. I saw some other famous people but forgot who.
October 18, 2000 – NYC
We were in some house where our hosts kept trying to kill us. There were many of us, including Kevin, Zo and her friend. I woke up in the middle of the night and somebody was putting grease on the bridge of my nose and then putting a gas mask on my face (the grease was so it would have a tighter fit.) Then they ran away. I got up and looked around and noxious gas wasn’t being pumped into the room. There were dozens of people lying on the floor with gas masks. I got Zo and her friend up and got the hell out of there. We got out to the driveway and the only people with a car were our hosts that I suspected were trying to kill us. They offered to give us a ride. I yelled at the host, who looked like David but didn’t act like him, accusing him of killing all these people, he didn’t deny it or admit it, he just offered to give us a ride. I said fuck it to that and we crammed into this convertible and took off. Then I was driving with Kevin in red Toyota truck and I had cactus needles all in my hands making it really hard to drive. I was getting flustered, trying to back on to a road with lots of traffic coming.
the above + next few dreams (left column) as edited for Textiloma:
October 23, 2000 – NYC
I was in line with Kevin and someone else buying some tickets to an art piece. Kevin had two art pieces with him that he had bought previously before, one was a small one he spent $450 dollars on, and another one was a larger one he spent $4500 on. Some guy behind us asked to look at it, couldn’t believe anybody would spend that much on art. It was shaped like one of those dart boards that comes in a wood box encasing, you couldn’t see it until you opened it up. Kevin was concerned and told me to watch him, I did. The guy started to wander away and Kevin was following him, but the guy went up to the counter like he was asking a question about it. Kevin turned and started walking back towards me. Meanwhile Mom was at the side of the line, waiting for us to get to the counter because she was going to pay for the art piece. Then I saw the guy and start walking fast out of the store. Kevin went off after him. I bolted, started yelling. Rounded the corner and they caught the guy just as we was getting out of the store. They just took the piece away from him, but I didn’t think it was enough, so I punched in the face and then hit him backside of the head. Bought felt like feeble and awkward slaps, but it felt good and justified to hit this guy. Then I went back to the line.
Nov. 7,2000 – Tucson
Zo and I are walking down the streets of New York and this guy rides by holding up an orange gumball with flame designs on it. A clown on a unicycle is chasing him and telling him not to eat it that the gumball’s been poisoned, but the guy on the bike didn’t stop because he thought he was crazy. I recognized the gumball and clown from earlier in the dream down at a grocery store where indeed somebody did tamper with the gumball machine. So I start running after the guy yelling, “it’s true! It’s true! I saw it too, down at the food coop, somebody tampered with it, don’t eat it.” Only after I reinforced it, did the guy listen and stop. The clown declared victory and every in the streets started to celebrate. It was joyous.
Dec. 3, 2000– NYC
I had been gone from my hometown for a while, and when I returned everybody said there had been a falling out with our 3 comrades across the border. So I went across the border (some unspecific sort of eastern-bloc country) and found our three comrades lounging in the wet and mucky ruins of their porch. They were filthy and had boils and needed medical assistance. They looked like the Ghostbusters, except homeless and down and out. “Hey what’s going on?” I said. “I heard I missed some serious cussing and fighting.”
“Yah, those bastards,” said the main one. I wanted to show my support and friendship but didn’t want to get too close to them. They told me what had happened and that their house was ruined. I went up onto the roof of the ruined house and a wall collapsed. I grabbed on to it so I wouldn’t fall straight down and swung with the wall in an arc to the ground. As I was going back across the border, the main homeless ghostbuster guy slipped a huge wad of one-dollar bills to me. It was so big I had to redistribute it to separate pockets. Even still, as I got closer, I was trying to think of why they would give me money and realized that they may have slipped something illegal into the wads. But I never found out.
Dec. 8, 2000– NYC
We were at a restaurant out in the boonies somewhere and the waiter told us that we were seating in the same booth where somebody had been attacked by a bear. There was jukebox at the table.
Dec 11, 2000 – NYC
I had this motor home that I somehow parked on the beach. Woke up in the morning and there was a screaming rip tide as fast as a gushing river. It was cold and rainy. A guy was spraying this red stuff and was annoyed I was parked in his way. I moved it because the tide was coming in. It was flooded but still started. Drove back to the house. These two guys were interested in buying it. One of them was actually able to start it with the ripcord which had never been done before. It was Jeff’s house. I watched from the roof as he taught a class. He was dressed casual but there was a proctor there in a suite evaluation Jeff’s performance. I took Jeff’s baby and casually held it. I put it in the couch and it was so small it kept slipping between the cushions.
Dec. 13, 2000 – NYC
I had a surprise visit by Eric and I was entertaining him by reading him poetry. I was going to read him an Elizabeth Bishop poem and there were a few words, but there was a bunch of objects glued to the page like pencils and pencil sharpeners and bottle of rubber cement. It was awkward reading it because I would just say “pencil” or “sharpener” but I thought it was really cool. The kind of thing I look for in poetry. Also on the page were some rubber stamps and ink pads. When I looked at the stamps one of them had a lobster on it and I realized these were my things that I had misplaced. I had put them in this book and forgot about them.
Dec. 25, 2000– Bahamas
I was climbing down a tree and slipped and fell. As I was falling I renounced climbing in order to save myself. I wasn’t hurt but was suddenly in this house sweeping the floors. I knew there had to be a catch. I went to make sure the back door was locked. I knew I had locked the back door the night before and now it was unlocked. A figured emerged out of the darkness. I swung the broom at it just hoping to hit it. I swung hard and woke up exhaling out loud.
Then I was planting planter boxes on these pylons underneath a bridge. The river was gushing by so strong it was at a slant. My boss wanted me to connect the planter boxes with a cable and I was saying no way because I thought boats would hit it. Then I was holding onto the cable and trying not to fall in, debating over what to do.
January 2, 2001 – NYC
I was ironing this huge map, and then realized it was 3-D topo so I was ironing out the highest peaks. So after that I cheated around the peaks. Then we were hiking up this huge mountain that was surrounded by other mountains. I burned a CD of music from some spot where everybody was carving their names in the rocks. The CD slid off the cliff, but Zo had another one.
January 3, 2001 – NYC
I went to work at this lab in Australia. I went their straight from the plane and they were all gathered around talking to me. I noticed that they were all wearing khakis and blue dress shirts and looked down and realized I was wearing shorts and a T-shirt. They acted casual like they didn’t care. There were these dogs rolling in the mud and then I looked down at my hands and I had mud all over me. I was being introduced to all sorts of outback characters with big beards. Then I remembered that Scott lived there and was thinking about looking him up. Then I wondered about Zo and called her and she told me that she got a job in Australia but said it like Australia was a different place then where I was.
January 6, 2001 – NYC
Zo and I were watching an alligator show. Dozens of guys were swimming around these pools forming a double-line, holding burlap sacks between them. They used a pair of flippers to weight down the edges. This one guy (David) was the guy who was going to catch the alligator. Zo and I watched him stalk around. Then we were underwater watching him. He was looking back at us. Zo was scared so I kept myself between her and the Alligator hunter. Then I wasn’t sure if the hunter was actually the alligator. He kept giving me a funny look and then surfacing. But I wanted to stay under so I could keep my eye on him. He became David and motioned for me to come over and buddy-breathe. I grabbed his regulator and breathed out first, before I realized I had to breathe in. I handed the regulator back to him and then he handed it to Zo. I realized that we were practicing for the real thing which would come later. I looked back and Zo took a breath very comfortably. She looked natural in her P-coat. Then he handed it back to me, I blew out in the water and then sucked in air from the regulator.
January 8, 2001 – NYC
I was sleeping in front of this house. I woke up early and was reading. The occupants woke up and looked out their window. I was right on their doorstep. I was in a sleeping bag and only had underwear so I didn't want to get up. Finally I got up and went back to this bus where I was living. Mom was there and she asked me, "what's the difference between paper and money."
I answered back defiantly, "what am I, a retard?"
January 14, 2001 – NYC
I had this son who I abandoned for this abstract concept of son locked into a pod. I locked him behind this gate and continued through these passages so he couldn’t get me. But I could hear him trying to get through the gates. I didn’t veer too far from the gates even though I easily could have been long gone. I broke the pod into broken pottery chards that I would use as a weapon in case he got through the gates. But the little twerp son couldn’t get through. Deep down I must have wanted him to, because I unlocked it and stood back. He came through swinging an axe. He had his evil stepmother with him (Shirley [our stepmother]). I threw the pottery chards which I though had special powers but didn’t do shit. I managed to get the axe from him but was afraid of the violence it could cause. Then I realized it was a dream and that I could do anything I wanted. So I went and chopped Shirley’s head clean off and it felt good. It was a rush. More people came and I was hacking them to pieces, although I never killed my son.
the above inspired "To I.D. a Dyed Idea" in Poste Restante,
w/ this corresponding image (Exhibit G. Tribunal Brainstem Footprint):
January 14, 2001 – NYC
I was parachuting with my writing class. Darlene was the instructor. We were over San Diego. We didn’t just jump from the plane but were lowered in this cage with a slatted bottom that would give out and drop us all at the same time. We didn’t know when it was going to go and it was nerve-racking. I realized I didn’t know where my ripcord was and started looking frantically for it. Then the bottom dropped out and we were all falling in a big group so you couldn’t really tell you were falling. I found a cord and was hoping it was the right one, I was just waiting to pull it when everyone else did. I drifted in front of everyone. The ground was getting closer but you couldn’t make anything out. Nobody was pulling their chutes. I was afraid to pull mine as the group was right above me and I would smack right up through them. I was waiting for a signal from Darlene. I was getting further ahead and closer to the ground. I decided not to wait any longer. I pulled the cord and a piece of rope flew out but nothing happened. I searched frantically for the ripcord and was pulling at anything I could find, but I couldn’t find anything. The ground was coming fast. The others were still above me and my chute wasn’t open. And theirs weren’t either. I could see the shoreline and then an asphalt parking lot and then wham. Hit the ground. My ankle hurt but I was fine. The rest came tumbling to the ground, all in good spirits, all landing in the small parking lot. I looked for Darlene but she was nowhere to be found. I wanted to chew her out for not giving us proper instruction and not giving me a parachute with a ripcord. But she was gone, absent. I asked another one of the students where she was. “She didn’t jump with us.” I bitched about how she could let us jump without telling us what to pull and he looked at me like I was crazy. I was alive after all. “that’s just the way it feels. You don’t even notice.”
“How come when I pulled my chute I didn’t fly up past you guys?”
“We must’ve all pulled our chutes at the same time.”
January 18, 2001 – NYC
I was in Indonesia during a war. I was on the wrong side of the battle lines, behind enemy lines, in the distance US forces were pulverizing the Indonesians. Clinton was general and was leading the siege. I took refuge in this house that was like the "men's hut". They put this muddy paste all over my skin and gave it to me to eat. It soothed me, but I was worried that Zo would worry about me. I looked for a place to hide and hid in this bathhouse. I was in this shower that was dripping on me. It was a small place and I kept kicking out this paneling. Then Zo was with me and she was kicking out the panel and revealing our hiding place. This Indonesian put the panel back that was actually a wadded up parachute. We made it through the night and then the war was over. (There was more to it, but I wrote it down in the middle of the night with a pen that didn't work)
January 27, 2001 – NYC
I was wrapped up in a chairlift, the operator got on the chair with me. We were going down and there was no snow on the ground. I managed to disentangle myself and we were started swinging wildly, there was nothing to grab on to and we were way above the ground. I was freaking out but the lift operator was acting all mellow. Then we got disconnected and were sliding down the cable at high speeds. We were skimming over fields of grass. I kept asking if I’d been here before, it looked familiar, was it Tahoe? We got to the bottom and the slope going up from the lodge was really steep, like almost a cliff. Now it was manicured with potted gardens, but I remember being there before when it was a steep icy slope that was unskiiable.
January 31, 2001 – LA
I was in a restaurant watching a stage show and was thinking about all the restaurants around the world that had to entertain their guests and wondered where they got all the personnel to perform. “Wouldn’t it be cool to dance at one of these?” I asked the person with me, who I think was Donna. At closer inspection, they were actually monkeys, there was a chimp and an ape and one human. They were dancing lackadaisically, the chimpanzee was jumping into a sled and sliding across the stage. He slid off the stage and everybody laughed. After they finished they retreated to the primate hovel. It was like a cave. We were in a fancy restaurant in a city where everybody was wealthy. I peeked into the hovel and there were two big sweaty Italian guys that were grabbing handfuls of pasta and putting them in their crotch next to their penises. I told Zo to look. To not look conspicuous I went into the hovel on the pretense of looking for the chimps. They were living in the back recesses of the cave. The men were picking strands of spaghetti from their crotches and eating them. I told them that I thought it would be cool to live in here and they just grunted like I was a crazy. There was water leaking through the roof and getting their backpacks wet. I noticed they had climbing gear. When Zo and I emerged from the cave we were high in the alps. She started to slide down a cliff and I pulled her the other way where we slid down a ramp and onto a narrow road. There was no shoulder and it was weaving in and out of the spires, dangerous to walk on. We were on an island realizing that we had almost gone full circle back to where we started, but I didn’t have a map so I wasn’t sure where we were going.
February 7, 2001 – NYC
I was trudging along a glacier with my brothers. It was difficult to move. Then it got mushy like slush. Then it melted more so you could actually swim in the muck. At first we were excited, then we realized that there might be a waterfall. I turned around just in time to see the water dropping off. But it was too late for Kevin. He ducked his head down and plunged over the falls. I grabbed onto a tree and pulled myself out. David and Jeff were able to get themselves out to. I was on the edge of a precipice trying to figure out how to get to where Kevin was. David could see him but couldn't get to him. I finally got to a ledge where I could see him. He didn't have any broken bones. David was throwing power bars down to him. Then I heard dogs barking and these people whose land we were on approached. We asked them how to get down, but once I asked I realized that I was only about 10 feet above Kevin and it was easy to just jump down to him.
March 14, 2001 – NYC
I was flying. I recognized Alcatraz below me. I was surprised at how manicured and expansive it looked. It actually wasn’t completely surrounded by water but was accessible from a backside that you could only see from the air. Then I was in a double-long bus driving through the toll booth to get into Alcatraz. I was with Kevin. I pulled into a booth that was too small so I had to back up the double-long bus and it was like backing up a trailer. When I went into reverse there was no brakes and I had no control and I couldn’t see anything. I swerved back expecting to hit something but didn’t. Then I pulled through to another slot. But this one had a sharp angle right after you pay. I didn’t have to pay because I already paid the first guy. I pulled through and had to drive over a curb and then got stuck. By this time it was Jeff that was with me. We pulled the trailer off the ball, and manually swung it around (the bus was now a trailer). When we hooked the trailer back on I was driving a new VW bug.
March 16, 2001 – NYC
I left Zo for S [our X] but S was really the new Zo, and the other Zo was the old Zo from Tucson. The new Zo was pissed that she had to do the old Zo’s hair and pamper her. I was impatient and just wanted to leave with the new Zo. Then I started thinking about how weird it would be to have sex with someone new and I was bummed that I would have to move from New York when I just got there. Then I was befriended by some guy who was one of their fathers. He was getting all this money out of a bank like he was a walking armored car. Worked for the treasury department or something like some federal agent. He was decked out in all sorts of gadgets and badges and an official looking uniform. These guys on the street noticed that he was getting all this money so they planned an attack. They had some secret sonic boom devices of their own that were meant to stun and paralyze, but this federal agent father figure had counter measures, riveted blasts and pressure devices that stunned the attackers. He was also inflating all these devices to protect him and setting up these shields, the money contained within a suit strapped to his body. He ran ahead and I tried to wedge something under the door to keep the robbers from following. It just stalled them as I was trying to get into the car I couldn’t fit in and had to wait for the federal agent to back out of the garage. I fended off the attackers with planks and sticks until I could get in the car.
March 19, 2001 – NYC
I was on the top of this building and got in this elevator to go down. It started to take off and went faster into free fall. I grabbed the side and climbed out of the top. I went to report it to this Human Resources lady that I’d seen before. I followed around this weird and narrow balcony with no railing and a big drop off over the edge. She just walked casually but I had to climb around, grabbing onto things. I was surprised that normal people didn’t have a problem with this being that I was a climber.
Then I was working with Buckos and some promotional golf even and she wanted me to get us some lunch. I went two doors down because 7-11 was overpriced. I walked in and ordered a “water toilet” for her. It sounded weird coming out of my mouth, but that’s what she said and the guy understood me. It was some sort of burger filet. Then I was waiting in my gray van watching this idiot get our stuff. He got the fries and I saw him eating some straight out of the bag with his mouth so I jumped out and started lecturing him on sanitation, saying a little dirt is okay sometimes for immune system but this is unacceptable, get me some new fries. Then I backed out and I think I hit this BMW but I wasn’t sure and nobody was really looking at me weird. Driving around trying to find this guy and finally he handed me the bag. Earlier he told me that they didn’t allow takeout, but I convinced him that we lived two doors down. So he was telling me that since we lived close to, but not technically in area 6, we could use their recreation room.
March 29, 2001 – NYC
I was playing in a field with hundreds of kids. I was the leader of a faction. All the other kids wanted to go to war, but my faction wanted more out of life, so we avoided gunfire and ran and jumped down this hill and could fly for long periods at a time and eventually landed in this village that was somewhere in Europe.
March 30, 2001 – NYC
We were in Savannah and we’re trying to get back home to New Mexico. They kept telling us to get on another plane, and the planes were all late, and it was hard to figure out which one was going. We waited 3 hours, I was waiting in the shower stall of a plane, getting dripped on, only to discover that it was the wrong plane and we had missed our plane. Zo was trying to reason with them at the counter that they had told us to get on the wrong plane, but they said they were sorry, that there were no refunds and there were no more flights and they couldn’t get us a ticket another carrier. I intervened, trying to remain calm, recounting the whole story of how we had been waiting and switching planes. I followed some flight attendant and pestered her so much that she started crying because she knew we were right and justified in being angry, but it was her duty to defend the airline and not admit guilt. I realized it was stupid to get on her case and then I kicked something over in anger and realized that that was stupid. Some guy recommended we rent a car and drive to New Mexico but that sounded absurd.
Then I was waiting at an airport and a crop duster came low and dusted us. I was watching a whole drug deal go down in this suburban neighborhood and the crop duster came back, but this time he dropped a package with a parachute that contained all the drugs. Then when the plane left, I saw a pentagram searchlight in the sky (like the batman thing, but a pentagram) and I traced it to its source and it was that kid I used to work with in Savannah. I asked him what was going on and what was the purpose of what he was doing. And he said that he didn’t intend anything by it, that it was meaningless and random, and not deliberate, that he was just bored and wanted something to do that required no effort.
April 4, 2001 – NYC
Watching Pink Floyd live. It was very intimate, just a few of us, and they were goofing around and making jokes and not taking themselves seriously. Then Zo was giving a seminar in front of a large group of people. Before she even began some guy was harassing her and knocked her over. But she wouldn’t tell me who it was. She got up front and starting lecturing, or actually she was orchestrating everybody in a singalong, everybody pulled together until we were in tight group, all touching, and started singing “sing, sing a song, sing out loud, sing along” I was harmonizing with some business man next to me and I was surprised at myself. Then this girl on a bed in her thong-underwear, rolled over purposely showing me her ass. I walked away but couldn’t believe that she did that, then I started thinking I would write a story about scenarios I imagined rather than act on them.
April 5, 2001 – NYC
I left a party to find out that some guy had pilfered my van and stole the hubcaps, pieces of the dashboard, etc. but it still drove. I was trying to get out, but a delivery truck was blocking my way. I got out to walk. I entered this street market. These Mexican kids were setting up a fishnet between two electrical wires that was supposed to be shelter. I had to wait for them and went along as they strung it up, going under it, but then the net started to envelope me and constricted into a wormhole. I could stick my arm in it and warp the fabric of space and squeeze my way through. The it expanded into this multi-dimension fractal structure, that looked like an Indonesian Singha statue, a demonic face. I didn’t believe that it was multi-dimensional, seemed like 3-dimensional sitting in an open atmosphere of 3-D. It became this monster with a funny mouth that I could pet. Finally I broke through.
April 9, 2001 – NYC
I was traveling around with Zo in some foreign country. I came across some hut where Todd Shipman’s wife lived. Then I saw Todd Shipman outside but he wouldn’t go inside because he didn’t want to steal the show. We went out on to the street and we were standing around on the sidewalk and my bag was open. Some couple was staring into my bag and kept looking over and whispering to each other. Then the guy grabbed a bunch of stuff out of my bag and said they were his. It was a pair of sunglasses, a penlight, a shoehorn and some other stuff. I had indeed found these things in various locations but a long time ago in other places and was certain they weren’t his. I asked 10 people around in the street (I figured this was scientific) if they thought these objects were generic enough that there was no way you could distinguish them as personal. They were like units of currency, you couldn’t tell one from the other, they were just a concept and there was no way this guy could prove that these particular glasses, or penlight, or shoehorn was his... unless he found a scratch or something. I knew I had found these things and they weren’t worth much, but it was the principal of it, that I knew this guy had no right to claim them as his.
April 15, 2001 – NYC
I was taking care of all these animals—a guardian of the animals so to speak. I had ordered all these extra exotic birds from Africa, weird flightless birds with human-like profile heads. I wanted to ride this horse to give it exercise but I was confined to a small room with not enough to ride. So I got a short piece of rope and the horse willingly helped me to get the noose on its neck. The horse became very affectionate and cooperative. It started running in circles around the room. It ran faster and faster and when I looked up the stars were falling from the sky. Hundreds of falling stars at once that spiraled down and turned into dragon-fly fireflies, then buzzed and snapped and disappeared. It was beautiful. The running horse was also beautiful, but when I looked at it, I lost sight of the falling stars. The falling stars became all these roosting bats, that were hanging upside-down from nothing. The horse turned into a bat and floated upward because it wanted to roost with the other bats. It still had the rope attached to it, which was a good thing in some ways, because I was responsible for watching the horse/bat, much as I would’ve liked to see it go up and roost with its fellow bats. The rope pulled it down into my hands, a leathery and furry creature that let me take it and put it into a cage. I had to put the birds away in cages also, I felt bad, but they flew to my hand and went into the cages on their own accord. There were pieces of pretzels everywhere, so I didn’t worry about feeding them. The last specimen, was actually a painting of a boat. Zo said that it was painted by Diana Ross and used to belong to her father, implying that I had stolen it. But I said I was just taking care of it.
May 15, 2001 – NYC
I was in some Eastern European city like Budapest and all these streetcars were screaming every which way and they couldn’t stop, so if you were in the way they would plow you down. I was in the garment district, converted from a Jewish ghetto. These skeletons with pink flagging were running around every like spastic robots, kind of like the skeletons in Jason and the Argonauts. The skeletons were taking bundles of fabric to the tailors, smashing into me. There were all these metal turnstiles you had to get through on the street. There was also a serial killer on the loose. Everything was in chaos.
May 22, 2001 – NYC
I was walking through a restaurant in Palo Alto that I used to go to ten years ago, now it was all gentrified and ‘Nouveau’. I kicked over some bottles that were on the floor in the way, and I tried to help the waiter clean up the glass, but he had a shitty attitude and didn’t thank me for helping him. I made some comment about him under my breath once we got outside, and he came after us (me and Zo) and was grabbing me by the throat. I told him that I didn’t want to get physical. Then I told him that on top of it all, I thought their food sucked, that it was much better ten years ago, and this made him even more hysterical. Finally I had to subdue him by slamming his head on the concrete. Then Zo and I went to hide in the lobby of an apartment building until he woke up and ran past looking for us.
May 22, 2001 – NYC
I saw a book about a vampire and decided to go into it. There were two scientists that were trying to track down the vampire. They had this side-kick girl, who was helping them. They were chasing a poodle, and I was trying to tell them that it wasn’t a vampire. The side-kick ran off after the poodle and disappeared. I was suspicious of the little sidekick girl and suspected that she was the vampire. Sure enough, she appeared later, and sprayed compressed air at the scientists. It was meant to be a warning. She then disappeared into a wine bottle in a wine cellar. The scientists ignored her warning and continued with their work. One of them was twirling a beaker around and it was making a sound like a bullroarer. Then the scientist realized what the warning was about. He ran into the wine cellar, and sure enough, the sound of the bullroarer had caused the wine bottle to break. The wine bottle was full of vampire poison which caused a gun to fire, and some servant woman that was stooping to get a bottle got shot.
June 1, 2001 – NYC
I was hanging out with Scott and Laura G. and Laura made this remark about how I made some comment about an IRS Exchange form during my trip to LA. Scott was trying to explain in a polite political way, that this was a issue, that I could lose my job over this. I was like “what the hell, I don’t even know what you were talking about” and he said that so and so heard me ask for an IRS Exchange form and it confused her because she had to follow up on it. Then she came in and sat down behind Scott and he stopped talking, but motioned with his eyes that this was the woman that said it. He tried to change the subject, but I said to the woman (who I had never seen before and didn’t know her name) “listen, I’m sorry to cause any confusion, but I didn’t mean anything about asking for that form, I don’t even know what an IRS Exchange form, or whatever it was, is, I just overheard someone say that and wanted to know in general where all the forms were.” This woman had her shirt pulled over her head while I was talking to her. She didn’t respond after a long-winded and polite apology. So I said, if you didn’t have your shirt over your head, you’d understand, at which point she finally spoke and said, “this has nothing to do with the tech group. This is a decision for Tina and Tina” (who I guess where the executive people). I tried to keep my cool and not yell at her or bust her skull, justifying myself, that it wasn’t fair. Looking to Scott or Laura for help, but it’s like what’s done what was done.
June 12, 2001 – NYC
I was hiking, past these hot springs to this lake. There were these locals that lived there, that took this rollercoaster like ride straight down this cliffs, and over us to their town. Then one guy fell, and other started falling. They landed halfway up the cliff, stranded. Finally, I asked if they needed help when no one else would. They said they could really use some water. Once I realized no one was helping them, I put it in high gear. I was going to run all the way into the town we were staying at (I told Zo to stay behind) but I found a payphone in the middle of nowhere. The first time I called 911, this guy put me on hold and eventually hung up on me. The next time I got through, but the lady asked me if there was a car crash, and when I said it was people stranded up on a cliff, she wasn’t that interested. Finally a forest ranger appeared. He opened up a large map but I couldn’t recognize anything from it. I pointed to a spot, kind of thinking out loud, and the ranger called it in to the helicopter. I told him I wasn’t sure, but he didn’t care. We were back at the lake, and then Zo and I figured we would go back to our hotel (that was in the bay area). We had an old black ford truck. It started but then I started going down this one-way road, then all these armored army vehicles started coming in the other direction. No break in the action. They were all militant women.
July 1, 2001 – NYC
We were at a party in the plains states. Some guy warned me of an assassination plot, so I took off with Zo in my '67 Mustang. We went to Devil’s tower and climbed to the top. When just got up, she was staggering around, enjoying the view. It was a surreal scene, night, but everything was radiant and dusted with snow-like ash. Zo was almost about to fall, so I grabbed her and tried to protect her, but in the process I almost fell backwards and off the tower.
July 3, 2001 – NYC
Zo and I were in this huge compound/coliseum/prison looking for a bat cave. The inside was enormous, the size of 20 football fields, with evacuated walls and guard towers surrounding. I was looking to the sky to find the bats so I could follow them to the entrance of the cave. I figured this was easier than hunting for the cave itself. There was one door that led into the compound and I heard it creaking like somebody was locking us inside. But I didn’t care. I found some golf clubs and couldn’t figure out the meaning of them except that the space was so immense that somebody was using it as a practice range. Then we found the bat cave. Some kids came in and we’re hooting and hollering to try to scare away the bats but it wasn’t working. We entered the cave. Inside we had to choose between two teams, tigers and elephants.
the above seeded "Coliseum, Wyoming" in Poste Restante,
w/ this corresponding image (Poste X. The Me in Coliseum):
July 3, 2001 – NYC
I was island hopping on foot and arm. I got to one island and started digging in the sand until I got to water. It was a test. I knew if I was in the desert I could always easily dig and find water. But then I realized it was pretty easy being right near the shore on the beach on a “deserted” island. That wasn’t really deserted as other people were coming along and I felt bad I left my hole unfilled. The beach was really steep and I clambered up the sand dune. On the tip of the island I came across a few people fishing. There were hundreds of bobbers in the water, but they weren’t theirs. They said it was some government project or something. They had their lines way out, thrown over an intervening rock island. I asked why they threw their lines over the rock, and why they just didn’t go out to the rock or throw their lines somewhere else, but then one of them got something. She said it weighed 151 pounds. I waited for her to pull it in to not be rude. “It must be a pain to pull it through all those bobbers and lines” I said, but they just looked at me like they didn’t see what the problem was. I could see where the island across the channel where Zo was with some weird reclusive guy. It was a rock crag with a billboard on it at sea level. A few paths.
The lady didn’t catch the fish after all, so I just said “see ya” and started swimming. I was getting all tangled up in the bobbers and line so I had to swim around, then I heard a boat, and had to make sure it didn’t hit me. The current was pulling me around. I got to the island quickly even though it looked like it was miles away. The current was pulling me faster than I could swim, so I grabbed the features of the billboard and pulled myself along, and then by the features in the rock like I was rock climbing sideways with the current as the force. Finally I climbed out. I had some foreknowledge of the place. I knew that they would find me out. The guy was secretive. At first I poked around and saw all these weird rooms that reminded me of Silence of the Lambs or a Nine Inch Nails video. Kind of creepy so I called out to let myself be known. I went down some stairs and there was Zo, with 4 or so people that I had never met that she was already friends with. I felt like an outsider, even though they already knew about me and were eager to meet me.
July 3, 2001 – NYC
We were trying to get home from somewhere in Brooklyn. On stop street corner waiting for a bus. I put a bag of trash in the garbage can, and this Mexican guy got all I irate calling me a racist, like “what did you say about Mexicans?” His friends were holding him back. Zo said, “he didn’t say anything about Mexicans, he said Asians.” This calmed the guy down, as if this was okay. And I felt alright, even though I didn’t even remember making the comment about Asians.
We got a ride with somebody, but couldn’t seem to leave the area we were in. We stopped for gas and lounged around on these rocks that looked like Stonehenge. I was sprawled out relaxing. But the locals were looking at me like I wasn’t from around there, and were demonstrating (with no words), that they chose rocks in the sun to lay on, and went it got hot, they would choose a rock in the shade and use it as a pillow. This guy that was demonstrating looked terribly uncomfortable, contorted face down in the dirt with his head wrenched up on a rock. I was neither in the shade nor sun and felt comfortable and natural and couldn’t see why they were demonstrating how it should be done.
Finally we got going, but suddenly it was late at night and we weren’t going anywhere, the driver (who I didn’t know very well) wanted to sleep in the car. I recognized a subway station and got out. There were all these sketchy guys hanging out front. This one gangster rapper guy started throwing rocks at me and following me into the subway. I ran ahead down stairs after stairs, but everything was foreign and unfamiliar. I couldn’t find signs for the 6 but saw signs for trains I was not even aware of, 9, 10, and 11. The guy finally caught up with me as I hit the lowest level. I said I didn’t say anything to him, so mind your business. Then other people appeared so he left me alone. I still was lost, and suddenly the subway station merged with an airport and another train station, with waiting areas and everything, hundreds of feet underground.
July 3, 2001 – NYC
(as I wrote it which is why it is incomprehensible:) I was working in another state. This ide ciralates to take our stuff by climbing up the balcony. I am on the 16th floor, this other guy is on the 17th, too my surprise. He volunteered both, I’m surprised and released, but feel I should do it. The CEO of pressplay (Mike) grabs the guy just as he exist on to the roof. He is doing if for his own safety. Impromptu meetings are called. Everyone tells me to prepare to testify, I’m placed in a caged holding area, I’m told to take my shoes off, going through this whole ritualistic scenario. I tell myself I will not lie, but I wasn’t sure it was my idea (for the guy to climb out on the roof). Know I won’t tell, don’t ask about the client, answering every question, like is burning ee’n tale cue of sleeveless shirt!
August 12, 2001 – NYC
I was watching a basketball game. Latrell Spreewell tried to steal a ball and it went out of bounds. But they gave possession to the Knicks. Spreewell dribbled the ball in, then started running towards the other basket. I thought he was going to score in the wrong basket, but at the last second he dropped the ball and punched this guy that was beating up Steve Kerr. The guy was flattened with one punch. Steve Kerr (who was on the same team as Spreewell) started yelling at the guy once he was down. Nobody tried to intervene. Everyone just watched and let Spreewell get away with it, because he was defending his teammate.
August 23, 2001 – NYC
I was hanging out with Kevin who was not dead. We were coming back home from somewhere and I was so excited that I couldn’t stop my momentum and flew up into the sky. I was hundreds of feed into the air and was afraid that if I told Kevin and he saw me, it would make me fall, but I had to tell him, “Kevin, look how high I am”. And of course, this made me fall, and I knew it wasn’t because of Kevin, but because of my self-consciousness. I fell at an alarming rate, even faster then regular gravity. I fell so fast hat I created a crater in the ground that was the shape of my body profile (just like in the cartoons). I climbed out of it and told Kevin he had to try it. I pushed him into the hole I had made, but he wasn’t quite immortal like I was. Not that he died, but he didn’t get up right away and was not happy with me for pushing him in there.
There was a self-portrait of Kevin on the wall that was title “self-assured” or “self-referential”. Then I started thumbing through a stack of life-size paintings by Kevin, I was in the images section that were really just self-portraits. I realized home much I missed Kevin and was looking forward to him coming back. He went somewhere like the peace corpse for a few years and was due back. I realized how much I was looking forward to just hanging out with him, more so than my other brothers of anyone else I knew.
September 1, 2001 – NYC [note: 10 days before 9/11]
After finishing a climb up this long granite slab, I was rapelling down this super long and thick rope. I passed this belay station where there were all these dirty dishes. I was trying to pick them up, picked up cereal bowls and dumped out the milk. I watched as the milk traveled through the air and hit the ground, concerned that it might hit people. I considered just throwing the dishes down the hundreds of feet to the ground because I needed my hands free. But then I felt guilty. There was so much junk, wine glasses and papers that I grabbed a few wine glasses and knew I would have to climb back up for the rest.
I rappelled recklessly to the ground. When I started to climb back up, others on the ground including Zo told me I was crazy to trust the rope. I said that if held me already, what were the chances of it failing now. Even once I had the dishes down to the base, I was annoyed that I would have to take them back to “civilization”. At that moment I was just happy to be at the base of the climb, at the base of a sheer granite wall.
September 16, 2001 – NYC
I was test driving a new car even though I already had one. I had to leave a 9¢ deposit. There was a guy leaning against the door that warned me about the smell, but I told him I was just test driving. Sure enough, it smelled disgusting. It was a low sports car, with reclining seats. It only had room for 2 people which was disappointing. The used car dealer told me that it takes a farm boy to fix it, that I couldn’t stay in the city.
September 17, 2001 – NYC
Stopped off in the South Pacific. On some island that was still in the stone age. There were lots of phallic icons, long spears and canoes, all arranged in the center of the village. These large trucks were driving over the canoes and breaking them, but the villagers didn’t seem to mind.
Then we went swimming in the lagoon, I was obsessing over these sea snails, the colorful flesh coming out of the shell, delicate.
I needed to change my plane ticket but didn’t know what country I was going to. When Zo and I got there, wouldn’t let us off of top of bus, though we were customers we had different processing.
the above seeded "Shields (Not Spears) Keep the Island Safe" in Poste Restante,
w/ this corresponding image (Poste L. Flaming Tongue Shield (First Day Issue)):
September 22, 2001 – NYC
Zo and I were trying to get around in a cave network of airports. We were both riding on scooters.
Then we were crossing a bridge. It was narrow, only room for one person. A steady stream was coming in the opposite direction. Had to climb around each other. Then we were all on floating pieces of debris, hopping from one piece to another, still trying to get around one another coming in the opposite direction.
I saw a bird sitting on a nest under water. The looked water-logged but was alive and kept trying to defend itself. I was waving my foot at it to see if it was alive and it pecked the bottom of my shoe and stuck to it. When I pulled my foot out, the bird came with it, and when it was out of the water it was very dead.
October 5, 2001 – NYC
I was in this boat with this crazy driver. He was smashing through the waves, then purposely went right along the edge of the shore going really fast. Then he headed out to sea. There was an island and a yacht was hidden in the trees and I knew it was someone famous. We went ashore and I was befriended by an Irish Wolfhound. Then the “famous” person appeared and it was Mother Theresa. She was really old and had an assistant helping her around through the trees on the island. The next day I came back, and I had to follow an exact and unique sequence of action in order to recreate the events of the day before. I saw Zo and woke her up.
October 10, 2001 – NYC
I was in Fiji at some grieving ceremony. The native Fijians were gathered around a huge slatted steel drum and were making a rhythm. They were doing it for “us”, a group of Americans who were dancing. But the dancing was more like cheerleading. We were paired off into pairs, and didn’t have a partner, although occasionally we switched. The music would pick up and I was hopping up and down, and I realized this was not Fijian, but that African tradition. And they were looking at me like I was idiot. When I left I was with my sister that I had never met. The reason we were supposed to be grieving was because our mother died. But neither of us were to upset about it. We were walking along some boardwalk that was like Miami. I asked her how our mother had died, and she said in a car accident. We also had a dog that was injured, and I asked how, and she said that dogs just get hit by cars, like it was in their nature. But the dog was okay. We got back to our beachfront house, me my long-lost sister and our injured dog, but even within our own home I couldn’t see them and had to talk to them on the phone.
October 15, 2001 – NYC
I was documenting pseudo-geographic features. I went underground and checked out this pool of pure white light, and also geysers. I rappelled down to see different pre-historic landscapes.
October 16, 2001 – NYC
I was with So Young and Zo and we were in some climbing area that I had been to before like Hueco Tanks, but a huge open valley with all these rock formations. I had just snowed so I said we couldn’t ski, but it would be cool just to check out the formations. There was lots of people climbing anyway.
Then I went out to go rafting. It was in these indoor rapids, in a cave or something. This guy told me to get out and use this kiddie wader thing, to wrap around my arms. I was going down the rapids, using this plastic innertube thing to protect my arms. Flying, bouncing off of things. The guy in the raft was coming right behind me, about to run me over. Got to the final rapids and took a break.
Then I went back to the rapids the next day. All these people were taking a kayaking class, and people were coming towards me on the sidewalk in kayaks. I decided to go climbing. I found this cliff and started climbing and this other girl jumps right in front of me. The rock was flakey and mossy, she asked me to help her dislodge this boulder into the river. After we did that, it was like the whole cliff was unstable. If I pulled hard enough on a hold, it would loosen. She started to freak out and downclimb. I kept going, just glad that she was gone. But then she started following me, grabbing onto my leg. Then I realized that we were both free climbing and were way up off the ground. I was just trying to get a good hold on something. She was climbing on my back, grabbing on to me. I had a good hold, but then pulled hard and it broke. My feet were on mossy ledges. She started crying and freaking out. I told her to get a grip. We were almost at the top, somebody had left a wine bottle with some wine. But she started downclimbing haphazardly which worried me even more. I tried to keep a calm head but was starting to yell at her.
Next day we were both in a karate class and I was to compete against her. The instructor came up and asked me if she had access to my exposed back, and then I knew I was fucked. She had penetrated a vulnerability and made me weak. The instructor knew I was weak, that I was tricked. I had to sit out the match.
October 20, 2001 – NYC
I was in this bay with all these statues. They were giant statues of monarchs and communistic leaders. I climbed one statue of Stalin (I think), I was climbing up his leg, chimneying between his leg and the horse he was riding. I got to hip level and Boris (my Russian co-worker) was already up there, don’t know he made it up so easily. The features looked different that you couldn’t see from the ground and they didn’t pay as much attention to detail. There was graffiti and it just generally looked unfinished as seen from the air. I wanted to write something that would commemorate WTC, that would mark it as historic fact, that I had climbed this statue since Sept. 11, like Sept. 11, 2001 was a date commemorating a new era, like the difference between BC and AD on the calendar.
October 21, 2001 – NYC
(woke up with a head full of adrenalin, lots of terrorist-related incidents which I don’t remember, except this:) Terrorist were using radioactive paint that was activated by light. I was with Zo coming back to our big house after we had been away. I would have a bad feeling about entering a room, but couldn’t tell until I turned on the light, and if I turned on the light it would activate the radioactivity. I turned on the light and there were all these symbols painted in radioactive, day-glo paint, cross-skulls and biohazard symbols.
November 5, 2001 – NYC
I was at some challenge course, climbing around on bars. At first I had an “electronic instructor” in my hand so I had to climb around with one hand, swinging on the bars. But after that, I was swinging all over the place, on bars, ladders, ropes, etc. Then I went with David on a slide that was supposed to go in this volcano. Ended up on this high-speed roller coaster, he was tipping the cart. Got out on my own, then I was on roller blades, going really fast, then into an empty lot.
December 6, 2001 – NYC
I was in Argentina with Kevin. I was filling out some sort of scrabble puzzle, and the word that fit was “Incite Wist”. (where wist was a play on wistful?) I took a piss on the floor and it coagulated on the floor. A film formed over it. I was able to pick it up, it was like a warm water balloon. I threw it outside, these maids saw me throw it. I went to pick up the pieces and they were pieces to a condom.
the above + below dreams from Dec 27, 2001 as edited for Textiloma:
December 7, 2001 – NYC
I was in a foreign country eating pizza. We sat at this table. There were lots of other tables, but this kid kept sitting, or sticking his head where I was sitting. I would move and then he sit or stand right next to me, leaning into my space. I yelled at him, it didn’t matter that he didn’t understand, I just yelled in English. But then I realized I was in the states. Everyone else in the restaurant, including Zo, thought I was mean.
Went back to the room. Zo went to bed early, and for some reason I got stuck sleeping outside of Laura Goldberg’s room. I felt uncomfortable and couldn’t sleep, afraid that she might come on to me, and then what would I say since she was my boss and I could be fired. So I go up to take a walk. I walked through the town and it was more active than during the day. There was a small concert going on. Fisherman were fishing at night catching fish. I walked along the beach and once I was away from the lights of the town, the phosphorescence was brilliant. Everywhere I walked it lit up in these intense patters. I was bummed out that Zo didn’t get to see it and this was our last night. When I got back to the hotel, she was up. She had only disappeared to take a shower. I was excited that I could take her back out to see the phosphorescence.
December 7, 2001 – NYC
I was in Argentina or Chile, part of an expedition. For some reason we needed to convey a message to the United States and the quickest way was to walk across Antarctica (which everybody was calling the Arctic). A bunch of the more seasoned natives set off trekking. I noticed that there was one extra jacket so I put it on and went with them. Then I realized I didn’t pack anything of my own. I ran back and grabbed my compass, a glo-stick and a whistle key chain, then ran to catch up. I thought about what an amazing opportunity this simple chore turned out to be. To say I crossed the Antarctic.
December 27, 2001 – NYC
I was at Pearl Harbor. They bombed one ship and then didn’t do anything except hover above us spying. I jumped into the water and hid under a piece of floating debris. Kevin was there next to me. I swam (trying to make it look like I was naturally floating) over to where others had spontaneously gathered. They were coming up with new laws right there in the water. I swam back to take action. I went into a YMCA that was closed because it was a declared holiday. A bunch of intimidating looking surfer types were holding an AA meeting in the locker room. Every locker looked the same and I didn’t know where to put my stuff.
December 29, 2001 – NYC
We were at war in Central Park. I was an invisible observer unable to effect the outcome. Afghanistan was launching bombs. NYPD took over the park. There were two cops, one had a huge swollen gut. He noticed an undercover impersonator. He drew his gun and yelled at the guy to freeze. He bobbled his gun and dropped it. It landed in front of the spy but they spy didn’t pick it up, he held his hands up. The fat cop grabbed the gun again and bobbled it, almost throwing it at the spy, like he subliminally wanted to fail. He did this over and over. Finally they spy picked up the gun and took the fat cop hostage. He led him over to an INS truck, which didn’t make sense to me, but I couldn’t ask questions. I didn’t know who was under arrest. I did a close up on the INS agent who was half in the front seat talking on the radio. He interrupted a conference call to casually say “guys, guys, hold on, we have a hostage situation here, right now.”
December 30, 2001 – NYC
I was hanging out in Tijuana with mom. She gave me a shirt that I saw as purple, but her and David thought was black. We compared a few other shirts and jackets and I saw them all as purple except one that was definitely black, but they said they were all purple. My point was that black was obvious, it was the absence of all colors, but they figured it was close enough. I tried to explain that I liked the shirt, but just didn’t want to wear anything purple, but she was offended and David was defending her. It was more like a business trip and we never got a chance to go to the beach. So she said she would pay my ticket to go to Ensenada the following weekend. Back at work (Bell+Howell, which was through some sliding doors at an abandoned motel) I was casually telling people (as we were swimming in a pool) I couldn’t work that weekend because I was going to Mexico. It sounded exotic but it was wasn’t. I stopped at another room, through a sliding door and hung out with this family. They offered me breakfast and I accepted and ate breakfast with them. But I was getting bored so I told them I had to leave. The kids followed me out and handed me a bill and led me to a cash register. Of course I paid it. In a way in made me feel better, I didn’t feel back just leaving them. I had a backpack and didn’t really know where I was going, but I just started walking down towards the beach thinking there was a trail that went through. The kids were watching me, envious, but they also knew I was lost. I acted like I was enjoying the view. And it was nice, the ocean, with a series of bays.
Then I noticed a herd of horses that were all frolicking near the shore. They would roll down into the waves, which were very big and would crush a human, but since the horses were so big didn’t hurt them, although it rolled them around a lot. The water was very cold and the horses exhaled a loud gasping wheeze when they got into the water. I went over to a concrete wall looking down on them. It looked funny with just their heads sticking out of the water. I reached down to pet them and it was like they were people. It was beautiful to watch them swim and I felt privileged to witness such a site.
Next I crossed some railroad tracks and entered the house of the inbred invalids. Seriously creepy. They were all lounging around half naked. They were all flushed and sweaty and generally just very white and ugly. Guys were walking out with insecure woman with sagging stretched out underwear and introduce them to the family. Everybody would say hi. And they would just lounge around sweating and flushed, even though I was fully clothed and it didn’t feel hot to me. This one woman kept looked at me and it was creeping me out. Another guy came out of his bedroom with this other woman in tow that he introduced. She had facial hair and patches of thin hair throughout her body and breasts. Everybody was very accepting of her and I felt bad for being judgmental, but these people were so white and ugly and inbred that it made me very uncomfortable. Luckily I saw a dog to break the ice. It was Jackson, Seth’s dog. And Seth [Zo's X]was there too. I said it was “Jackson Pollock, the king of all dogs, the most magnificent dog in the world” and he was. He was an Australian Shepard, glowing radiant, and playful. He would bite me and growl but it didn’t hurt. I just played with him and pet him to alleviate the creepiness of humans.
December 31, 2001 – NYC
I was running back and forth to clean and organize music instruments that I had stored in a portable steel utility shed. I went to put the roof up, it was raining. Normally the roof was folded in half, but I couldn’t fold the sheet of metal while I was standing on it. I had a squeegee and was getting all the water off the roof. Then I had to get down. All the water was gushing towards the gutter where I had to climb down. It made it slippery. I was afraid if I put my weight on the gutter it would dislodge. It was a long fall. There was nothing solid to grab on to. Finally I trusted it and got down.
I went to climb back up and there was a little girl who wanted to get up but she couldn’t using the stool that I did. She heard about the lake on the roof. I was going to get her a ladder, but then I remember how hard it was to get down. “The roof on the lake is for when you get older” I told her.
[Speaking of "lake on the roof," water has been puddling on our roof so last week (back in 2020 now) we filled it w/ RoofSlope + then painted it w/ that special silver paint.]
[... dream log 2002–2005]