medic8ed disPatch of pink Ↄalamari Q'd up thru ^ ripped bloody 5creen


2024/06/03> n0t sure if iT's the 5tress of what happened ^ few dayz a go re the 5ide FX of the hep B vax/HiV post-eXposure prophylactix, but iT seams 2 B magnifying mine minéarèyes D-zzz, super diz-Z + lite-headed 2day, bare|y Abel 2 funktion, cant foke us 2 do NE work 4 the life of meme

06/04 > last nite ii was 5leeping in sum place mi mom had in sum ciudad, mayB D.F. (nka CDMX) > my dead brother K was in the next quarter ½ on the 5treet w/ n0 door + he wasnt able 2 sleep b/c it was 5ketchy + he was a fraid ppl wd barge in > ii a5ked Y he wasn't 5leeping in his one room (apparent|y he lived in mom's main house Lswhere in the sit-T, this was just sum guest quarters) + he said «mom wanted us 2 spend time 2gether» (said like Bi||y Crudup @ the end of Almost Famous) > then this 5treet urchin casua||y walked by + ripped the 5creen off the window + i said ¿Qué haces pendejo? > he laughed + ripped sum more 5creens + threw them in the gutter > then he came in2 the house + 5tarted ripping more 5creens + breaking 5tuff + i grabbed the little 5hit + pinned him 2 the grnd + was asking K what we shd do w/ this punk + K just 5hrugged > then this guy came in w/ bags of food + 5tarted preparing ^ meal in the kitschen so ii a55umed iT was sum construccion worker mom highered + ii pregreunted (in 5panish) if this was his neenyo + he said sí + i said he was ripping the 5creens off a|| the windows + breaking things + he 5tarted laughing + i was getting a|| enojado, saying ¿Por K te ríes?¿Crees K S una broma? + he just 5hrugged w/ ^ 5mile on his face, trying 2 supress his laugh, continuing 2 prepare ^ meal + i a5ked if he was going 2 replace the 5creens + he said sí, no te preocupes + i was the 1 left feeling like a pendejo, az if i even cared about these s2pid 5creens b/c it was mom's casa, n0t mine

... obvious interpret8ion, 5creen az filter 2 shield us from bugs/riff-raff/jank on the 5treet? 5ti|| feeling funky, knot sure if iT's the side FX of th above meds (witch i've gotta keep taking 4 another 20 daze) or PTSD + when ii say PTSD n0t sew much the 5tress of witnessing what we i-witne55ed but the eXposure 2 blood, needles + hospitals ... 3 things ii tri mi best 2 a void, even seeing them in movies ii have 2 avert my i's + the «5hock» ii Xperienced n0t sew much what ii witne55ed/went thru, but the 5hock that no 1 else wd help or ca|| 911, WTF = wrong w/ hum^nity? > this from this month's Harper's Index:

portion of U.S. adolescent overdose deaths in which a bystander who could have intervened was present: 2/3

> 99% of humuns = ^pathetic, n0t bi n8ure but bi nurture > bi n0 means do ii consider myself a sinpathetic or compa55ionate persun, but ii dont know how ppl can live w/ them5elves just st&ing + watching such a thing go down? + az w/ mi writing/art, iT's n0t NE-thing «i» take credit 4, ii ≠ hero ... ii dint even no this unhoused «Bear» individual > 5elf-preservation (n0t just 4 meme but my bedder-½) wd say don't get involved + put yrself @ risk but ii dint make a conchus D-cision, it was the code ii share w/ my body, n0t that there's a remote chants i M even reL8ed 2 the victim, iT = more the DNA ii 5hare w/ hum^nity, that's what took over + maid my bwody do what iT did, keep this dude's head 2gether az best ii cd tel paramedix aRRived ... «i» myself = posthumun misanthrope rooting 4 the rats, but ii dint halve a say in the matter, ii was ^ zom-B on auto-π-lit > funny they call them «sympathetic nerves» (the 1s involved in fight or flight) when there's n0 time 4 sympathy, iT's pure instink > iT's also funny that most ppl wi|| go out of their way 2 save Q-t cudd|y animals even tho they halve even less genetic code in commun, like that time ii tried 2 save that sea turtle in the Gili i-L&s, a|| sorts of ppl came 4th 2 help inklooting the fisherm^n w/ the pliers who got the hook out of his mouth (witch i prob|y wouldn't have bin able 2 do myself b/c i'm 2 squeamish)

> NE weigh, although i'm losing my fear of blood, needles + hospitals, i halve yet 2 see ^ dead corpse 1st-H&, closer than ~20 ft (the time ii saw ^ drowned wom^n being pu||ed up on2 a beach in Mazatlan), guess that = sumthing 2 B gr8ful 4 > the ppl ii know that R pronounced dead R 5ti|| alive 2 meme + 5ti|| apeare en mis sueños, like the 1 above > ≈ Schrödinger's gato, neither dead n0r ^live, an uncollapsed wave fcn, undead ≈ ^ zom-B

> 5lept OK anoche from 10 to 3:30 but then after that in a surreal lucid st8 + como ayerday i felt OK til about 9 or 10 + then i get diyzZ + cant foke us on NE-thing, Sspeshly reading ^ computer 5creen (or mayB the window screens in above sueño = meta4 4 computer 5creens?) ... ii no ii no, ii need 2 use my 20/20 i-care app 2 avoid undue i 5train witch perhaps has @ part in triggering these mygrains > ii 8 sum freakbast even tho ii norma||y dont eat NE thing tiL 11 or 12 + then 5tarted 2 read Loose Corpse by Kenji Siratori witch was souprizingly EZ 2 read in this st8, sorta glitch zom-B-code w/ fucked-up granmar (n0t sumthing Lutz lovers wood like), writ-10 from ^ 4-in non-humun place but unlike meme Kenji alien8s hisself further, even from NE semblance of ^ narrative, siriusly bi-illogical zom-bee LingO that's doing the tocking + @ 1st glance u might think iT r&om gibberish or writ-10 by Ai, but there's a curtain methud 2 the glitch madness unique onely 2 Siratori, my interpret8ion (in the contxt of my current mentoll st8) wood bee:

     fits of schiz0phrenia 5creaming «5creen door! 5creen door!»

> iT iTches (+ etches) wormholes in yr SSES-OS (ware iT = in4m8ion Tecknowledgee)

> 5peaking of Kenji Siratori, dont think we (donning my Cal A. Mari hat now) offishly announced that wheel B reissuing Siratori's seminal Blood Electric, witch has bin out of print 4 sum time

+ in addition 2 a nu book by Nicholas Rombes that we're publishing L8er this yr, Ↄalamari is also re-issuing The Absolution of Roberto Acestes Laing, which 2 Dollar Radio let go out of print (... guess we're the onely pre55 that thinks books shd have an ∞ 5helf life ... in this day + age of POD n0 X-Qs n0t 2, just like there's n0 X-Qs 4 seeing a dying person on the 5idewalk + n0t try 2 keep em alive)

+ we're also welcoming Our Colony Beyond the City of Ruins by Janalyn Guo 2 the Arↄhive, 1 of the Subito books we tried 2 shelter/keep alive last year until the clueless academicks at CU Boulder soured the deal (+ the rest of the books (B-sides New New Animals, witch we ressurected) remain OOPs) ... NE other Subito authors wanting 2 keep their boox alive get in touch)

... coinsidance that all th above covers = pinkish/purpill? (even thO it aint Loose Corpse we're reissuing, Blood Electric is the same 5hade of maruin) + the last Ↄalamari publication also = pink + 5peaking of pink, we converted Garielle Lutz' Divorcer 2 POD + 4 iT's 13-yr anniversary (2x the 7-yr itch?) took the oppor2nity 2 revise iT + also 5lap on a nu cover (D-tail from ^ painting my brother K did yrs ago (1 of his door paintings that burned in an apartment fire that he S-caped from onely wearing cowboy boots + underwear):

... think that's abt iT, far az what's on the horrorizon, that we didn't mention in hour previous Ↄalamari upd8 > oh, 5peaking of 5mall pre55 5tuff [W^RNiNG: BORiNG PUBLiSHER TECHNiC^L D-T^iLS FOLLOW iN THiS P-GRAPH, iNKLOOTiNG ^N ^M^ZON ENDORSEMENT], in our «nimble sustainability» post we prob|y dint talk about shipping X-cept mayB 2 say that media mail was the best thing 5in¢e 5li¢ed bread ... we||, weave discovered sumthing even better, Veeqo > weave bin using ShipStation in recent years (+ Endicia b4 that), n0t b/c we like it but iT's integr8ed w/ paypal so even tho it's super klugey @ least w/ PayPal orders it auto-popuL8s addre55es > but the other day we saw a $20 charge from «Auctane» (^uctane is now the parent company of both ShipStation + Endicia) that we didn't make + ii disputed iT + got a refund rite away but in the process 5tarted googling about ^uctane + how they've got a monopoly on everything, the ticketbasterds of the online postage world + how they're jacking the pri¢es of the month|y $ubscription fee (a|| these serivces charge fees, FYi, except, but won't give media mail r8s online, u have 2 go in person) > iT ends up if u use 5hip5tation thru PayPal there's no sub fee, but it sti|| bothered us + when we 5tarted looking in2 Veeqo it's cheaper + n0 month|y fee > now, the purists out there R going 2 cry out that Veeqo is oned by Amazon, but we've already made our bed w/ ^mazon, far az POD + also w/ our Seller's acct + ends up we've bin using Veeqo thi5 hole time w/ our ^mazon Seller's acct, we just didnt know iT > the ketch is, tho they claim iT = free + n0 subscription fee, this ≠ entire|y the case ... even if u have ^ Bozo's Seller acct it aint free > HOWEVER (az we learned from a long back + 4th w/ a chatbot), iT i= free if u have an eBay acct (or # of other retail accts, like Etsy, shopify, etc.) 2 link it up 2 > we almost 4got we had an eBay acct but guess we do + linked iT up + Bingo, we can use Veeqo w/ no month|y fees (does this sound like sum sorta commercial?) > it's n0t az clunky az 5hip5tation but iT's ¢heaper (e55entia||y the same cheap r8s Amazon gets) > az a comparison, whereas the cheapest media mail r8 (4 under 1 lb) is $4.13, Veeqo can give u the «printed matter» r8 of $3.87 + they give you 0.20 credit each time so rea||y $3.67 ... might n0t seem like much, but it adds up + the dis¢ount gets even bedder az the packages get heavier (4 a 2 lb package media mail = $4.87 + Veeqo/printed matter = $4.07 (minus 0.20 ¢ ¢redit)

06/06 > got sum rad art by Izel Vargas, who made the cover art 4 Tonalamatl:


> this past week we also rewatched (4 maybe the 3rd or 4th time + the 1st time since Monica Vitti died) the entire Antonioni tetralogy in order (the trilogy + Red Desert which we think belongs in this series of Ǝxis-10-tial angst + modernity/discon-10-t (+ the 1 most direct|y about the FX of industrialization)) > Desert Rosso = 1st 1 in color, but boy did Antonioni master the use of color perhaps more than NE-1 else 2 follow (+ have 2 think it had an effect on Roy Andersson?), @ least az far az the colur ii see in, even when i'm seeing red


1153 <(current)> 1155 > books dont grow on trees (but they 5prout sQuirtin9 from sQuiD)
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